Home > Christmas, Jack Hammer > O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

December 4, 2007

O Christmas tree! O Christmas Tree! My friends say you’re an idol.

O Christmas tree! O Christmas Tree! They say I should not have one.

They don’t like you; they think you’re bad. They won’t have you, it’s really sad.

O Christmas tree! O Christmas tree! My friends think its idolatry.

O Christmas tree! O Christmas tree! They don’t like Santa either.

O Christmas tree! O Christmas tree! They call him names like Buddha.

He’s Satan’s Claws, and things like that. And besides this, he’s really fat.

O Christmas tree! O Christmas tree! They won’t hang Santa on you.

O Christmas tree! O Christmas tree! I won’t tell you, ‘till you tell me.

O Christmas tree! O Christmas tree! It’s funny how I think of thee.

You are so pretty, green and white; With funny things and pretty lights.

O Christmas tree! O Christmas tree! I feel no urge to worship thee.

It’s that time of year again. Santa Claus. Reindeer. Tinsel and bells. Men in malls. Red-nosed reindeer. Christmas trees. Blinking lights. Egg Nog. New additions to the tie collection. Humbug.

My kids spotted mommy kissing Santa Claus. Under the mistletoe, too. In fact, Santa dragged mommy over to the mistletoe and kissed her. Right there, in front of the kids. He said “ho-ho-ho” when he was done, too. Then he kissed her again. They all ran screaming out of the room. Santa just said “ho-ho-ho” again, and went back at it. But mommy didn’t mind. She just said, “Santa-baby, hurry down the chimney tonight!”

Oh the joys of Christmas!

We’ll talk about it this month. We might even wax spiritual on y’all. Never know. But mostly just warm, glowing stuff out of our warm glowing hearts. And Santa Claus too. But not Rudolf. We know where he got his red nose, and we DON’T think its funny. Or cute. PUT AWAY THE EGGNOG, YA BAD LITTLE REINDEER. YOU CAN’T BE GUIDING NO SLEIGH IN THAT CONDITION.  Y’LL RUN OVER GRANDMA.

Stay tuned!

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Categories: Christmas, Jack Hammer
  1. Bill H
    December 5, 2007 at 5:00 am

    YEY!…these are a few of my favorite things!

  2. December 5, 2007 at 5:58 am

    I never trusted that reindeer. Oh well. So, that’s what happened to Grandma.

  3. Anvil
    December 5, 2007 at 12:19 pm

    Personally, I really like the non-alcoholic variety of egg nog. I probably do drink too much of it since it’s so fattening, but it is so hard to resist this time of year. Not sure why Rudolph would need the alcoholic version, but if that’s what he’s doing, I don’t know how he could guide the sleigh at all …

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