Home > King James Only, Mallinak, The Word > KJVO’s, Greek Studies, and Pepperoni Pizza

KJVO’s, Greek Studies, and Pepperoni Pizza

November 8, 2009

You’d have a hard time ordering in a Greek restaurant with the “Koine Greek.”

— Stephen Carter, Co-Pastor, Landmark Baptist Church, Haines City, Florida

The English-Only Preservationists want us to know that we couldn’t order a pepperoni pizza at Domino’s Pizza using the Koine Greek.   In fact, one preacher, in making this very point, asked for those to stand up who had studied the Biblical Greek.  When one poor, misguided soul had the audacity to stand, this pastor proceeded to ask him, “could you tell me how to order a pepperoni pizza in Koine Greek?”  And we have no doubt that the awkwardness of the resultant silence clarified the issue to said audience perfectly.  We don’t want no Bible in no language that we can’t order no pizza in.  Grunt.  Snort.  Snigger.

And they tell me that attendees were divided as to which happened faster, the Bible tucked high and tite under the preacher’s armpit, or the smug look that plastered itself to the preacher’s face.

And some say that the offending delegate was later overheard muttering “A pepperoni! A pepperoni! My argument for a slice of pepperoni!”

Of course, when they couch the argument in such powerful terms, one can easily see why English-Only Preservationists are winning the day in such astonishing ways.  Why, how does one effectively counter such rigorous reasoning?  Those of us who believe that God actually preserved the Very Words he gave are left befuddled and confused at how to answer such logic.  After all, we had never thought of that ourselves.  They taught us to anticipate the opponents argument, and we must confess that we overlooked it altogether.  We confess, we can’t order a pepperoni pizza in Greek.  And all of a sudden, all our arguments have come crumbling down around our ears, big gooey globs of sauce and melted cheese all over our foreheads.  It runs down upon the beard, even our very own beard, and went to the skirts of our garment.  Leaving behind a trail of tomato sauce and oregano.

After all, consider the ramifications if we can’t order a pepperoni pizza in Koine Greek.  Obviously then, God didn’t preserve the Greek words.  Obviously, God’s Words are only in English, since that is the only language available to me when I order a pepperoni pizza.  Of course, I haven’t stopped to look at how one might order a pepperoni pizza in the King’s English, especially considering that the name “pizza” doesn’t appear in the Sacred Record, or, for that matter, in the English Language until sometime in the 1800’s.  But I assume that since I can order a pizza in English, the Bible must only be preserved in English.  Obviously, I need to stop studying Greek, since it is such a useless language.  After all, I would have a hard time ordering in a Greek restaurant with the “Koine Greek.”  Of course, I would have a hard time ordering in a Greek restaurant in English too, especially if they only speak Greek.  But again, that is beside the point.  Obviously the so-called scholars don’t really know the languages they so often herald.  And that is obvious because they couldn’t order a pepperoni pizza in Greek.

Now, Knock it Off, Please

The ability to order a pepperoni pizza in Greek, or to order food in a Greek restaurant has as much to do with the issue as the length of your middle toe.  For a person to argue that since we can’t order food in the Biblical language, therefore that Biblical language is useless, and (worse yet) God has not preserved those Greek and Hebrew words is sheer lunacy.  One might as well argue that the Greek is useless because I was born with an innie instead of an outie.  Really, folks, your argument is silly.

God promised to preserve the Words He gave.  God gave the Bible in Greek and Hebrew.  The fact that the Koine Greek is no longer in common usage does not undo the fact that God kept this promise.  We have God’s Words, in Hebrew and in Greek.  You can buy a copy for yourself.  I bought my Greek New Testament for just a little over $12 U.S.  Send me an e-mail, and I’ll help you find one.  They somehow manage to still be around.  Probably just a coincidence.  Or perhaps a “Providential” coincidence.  Either way, we’re assuming that this has to do with a little promise God made about His Words, something about heaven and earth passing away, but God’s Words not passing away.

Nor should the fact that you can’t use the Greek language in any sort of utilitarian way in this modern era discourage you from studying the Greek language.  No, you won’t be able to give directions to your house in Koine Greek.  You won’t be able to discuss politics with your co-workers in Koine Greek.  And you won’t be able to do the play-by-play on Monday Night Football in Koine Greek.  But that isn’t the point.  The point is to study the Words God gave, so that we can better understand the sense in which the particular English words of our King James Bible are used.  That is a worthwhile goal — imagine, gaining a better understanding of the Bible by (gasp!) studying. English-Only Preservationists should give study a shot.  It might help them loosen the hayseed that’s been wedged there between their incisors.

Now, you should be warned ahead of time — you won’t be able to order a pizza out of the Bible.  Not sure that God had it in mind that you should be able to in the first place.  But then, we don’t want you to be gettin’ any false impressions.  Your Greek New Testament won’t do your laundry either.  But that doesn’t undo the fact that God has preserved His Words — the very Words of God, in the very Words that were given.

So, wipe that silly smirk off your face, and try to use a little common sense here.  When you deny preservation in the name of the King James Bible, you undo the King James Bible.

  1. November 9, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    I think the old addage “ignorance is bliss” is only true for the dealer of ignorance. There are many in the pews who are done a great disservice by the stance illustrated in your post. Thanks Dave, good point.

  2. Barry Pendley
    November 10, 2009 at 10:03 am

    Where did Stephen make these comments? BTW: Hi Don!

  3. November 10, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    The Landmark Anchor, Volume 6, Issue 4, April, 2009, “God’s Word in English.” Thanks for asking, and I should have already noted that.

  4. Don Heinz
    November 10, 2009 at 6:36 pm

    Hey, Barry. It’s been a long time. Where are you?

  5. Chris Stieg
    November 10, 2009 at 9:55 pm

    Δός μοι μίαν πεππερώνιαν πίζζαν. Ευχαριστῶ σε.

  6. November 11, 2009 at 2:49 am

    Did you know that when you say pizza, you are already ordering in Italian? Pizza is “pie” in Italian. When you say “pizza pie,” you’re actually being redundant, saying “pie pie.” It’s fun to speak Italian. Be gone Rosetta Stone.

  7. November 11, 2009 at 6:57 am

    Greeks even have a style of pizza named after them…
    Greek pizza can refer to either of two styles of pizza.

    One usage refers to a pizza with typically (or stereotypically) Greek ingredients as toppings. These include authentic toppings such as feta cheese, onion, Kalamata olives, fresh tomato, and green bell pepper, as well as others borrowed from unrelated Greek dishes such as gyros meat[1] or others incorrectly believed to be typical of Greek cuisine, such as spinach.

    The other usage refers to a style of pizza crust rather than its toppings. This style is baked in a pan, instead of directly on the bricks of the pizza oven (as is more traditional for Italian pizza.) It has a thick, chewy crust that is usually quite oily. [wikipedia.com]

  8. November 11, 2009 at 7:12 am

    Pizza Hut in Greece suggests three ways to get their yummy delights in your belly…

    Κέντρο εξυπηρέτησης

    Οι φίλοι της Pizza Hut στην Ελλάδα καλούν το 18 1 18 από κινητό και σταθερό για να απολαύσουν την αγαπημένη τους πίτσα. Ο αριθμός αυτός αντιστοιχεί στο υπερσύγχρονο κέντρο εξυπηρέτησης πελατών που εξυπηρετεί ταυτόχρονα και τα 45 εστιατόρια Pizza Hut στην Ελλάδα. Το εκπαιδευμένο προσωπικό καταγράφει την παραγγελία σε ηλεκτρονικό υπολογιστή και ενημερώνει αυτόματα το πλησιέστερο εστιατόριο Pizza Hut. Το κέντρο εξυπηρέτησης πελατών έχει δυνατότητα εξυπηρέτησης πολλών κλήσεων ταυτόχρονα, από διαφορετικές περιοχές της Ελλάδας, χωρίς καμία χρονική καθυστέρηση.
    Διανομή κατ’οίκον

    Η Pizza Hut διαθέτει ένα από τα μεγαλύτερα και πιο αξιόπιστα δίκτυα διανομής κατ’ οίκον στην Ελλάδα. Σήμερα, το δίκτυο διανομής της Pizza Hut φροντίζει για την ταχεία και σωστή παράδοση των παραγγελιών σε περισσότερες από 500.000 οικογένειες που επιθυμούν να απολαύσουν την αγαπημένη τους πίτσα στο σπίτι.
    Τα εστιατόριά μας

    Τα εστιατόρια Pizza Hut βρίσκονται σε κεντρικά σημεία και συνδυάζουν τη μοντέρνα διακόσμηση με την ατμόσφαιρα ενός κλασικού παραδοσιακού εστιατορίου.

    Η άνεση του χώρου μαζί με τον προσεγμένο φωτισμό και τη μοντέρνα μουσική, δημιουργούν ένα εξαιρετικά ευχάριστο περιβάλλον. Όλοι οι χώροι είναι κλιματιζόμενοι.

    Το δίκτυο απολύμανσης και η αυστηρή τήρηση των κανόνων του υγειονομικού ελέγχου, εξασφαλίζουν την καθαριότητα και υγιεινή όλων των χώρων μας.

    Βρείτε το Pizza Hut κοντά σας!

  9. November 11, 2009 at 11:00 am

    I was waiting for someone to post the proper way to order pizza in Greek. The world can now rest… 🙂

  10. November 11, 2009 at 1:21 pm

    Hey, Bro. David:

    Do you have anybody coming from Juniata Park? I was raised there ’til I was ten on Maywood St. It’s a blessing to my soul to hear somebody is preaching there.

  11. November 11, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    We have gone door to door in that area regularly over the years, and by God’s grace will do so again in the future! At this present moment, I don’t know of anyone in the church from the immediate area of the park itself. I appreciate any and all prayers for our church! I have been a part since 1988, but last month I was called to be the Pastor! What a privilege and yet a burden!

    I am really liking this blog and Bro. Kent’s “What is Truth”, I didn’t know of them till this past weekend. I heard Bro. Kent preach in Brunswick Maine at Midcoast Baptist Church.

  12. November 11, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    I will be praying. I don’t know if there is anybody I know there anymore. I visited back a few times, and eventually lost track of everybody. Both sets of grandparents moved out to the suburbs. At that point I haven’t gone back. Perhaps when I get back on furlough, we can get together down there. Of course, that won’t be until 2011, the Lord being willing. Congrats on your installment as pastor.

  13. November 13, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    It was good to meet you revonator. Is that like the governator, our governor in California?

  14. November 13, 2009 at 3:43 pm

    LOL! (By the way, that was a VERY MANLY “LOL”) The name “revonator” is actually a long story. I started out with WordPress and blogging totally unsure of what it was and what I intended to do with it. I choose “revonator” for it’s anonymity on the internet. As my blog turned into what it is and my contacts to what they are, I decided anonymous was not the way to go. Besides, Jackhammer was already taken 😉

  15. May 21, 2010 at 9:46 pm


    There are some good specials going on now…

    2 Μεσαίες + 1,5lt Coca – Cola = 14,99€
    2 Μεσαίες + 1,5lt Coca – Cola = 14,99€
    Οικογενειακή pizza + Σαλάτα + 1,5lt Coca – Cola = 15,99€ (+2€ για κάθε Philadelphia & Cheesy Crust, +2,50€ για Cheesy Bites)
    Οικογενειακή pizza + Σαλάτα + 1,5lt Coca – Cola = 15,99€ (+2€ για κάθε Philadelphia & Cheesy Crust, +2,50€ για Cheesy Bites)
    Οικογενειακή pizza + 1,5lt Coca – Cola= 13,99€ (+2€ για κάθε Philadelphia & Cheesy Crust, +2,50€ για Cheesy Bites)
    Οικογενειακή pizza + 1,5lt Coca – Cola= 13,99€ (+2€ για κάθε Philadelphia & Cheesy Crust, +2,50€ για Cheesy Bites)
    Με κάθε Οικογενειακή άλλη μία pizza, ίσης ή μικρότερης αξίας, στη μισή τιμή και ΔΩΡΟ 1,5lt Coca – Cola (+2€ για κάθε Philadelphia & Cheesy Crust, +2,50€ για Cheesy Bites)
    Με κάθε Οικογενειακή άλλη μία pizza, ίσης ή μικρότερης αξίας, στη μισή τιμή και ΔΩΡΟ 1,5lt Coca – Cola (+2€ για κάθε Philadelphia & Cheesy Crust, +2,50€ για Cheesy Bites)

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